Real Pirates Don’t Wear Tiaras

If ye be searching for a true fish-out-of-water story, then this here be the play for thee! Princess Amber and her sisters are sad to see their princes sail off. The not-so-noblemen have been tasked with taking down the dreaded pirate Blacktooth, who’s known for his crimes against humanity — like never showering or brushing his teeth! As the princes set sail, the princesses decide to act out their own pirate adventures, only to find they’re being spied on by Blacktooth himself. Believing the princesses to be bloodthirsty pirates and in need of a new crew after he forced his last one to walk the plank, Blacktooth makes them an offer they can’t refuse: serve on his ship or else! Turns out, the real pirate life is nothing like the princesses’ make-believe — the food is frightful, the rats are repugnant, and Blacktooth has the most vile breath on the seven seas! And when the princesses find the princes lounging on a deserted island without a care in the world, all hopes of being saved fall squarely on the shoulders of Amber and her sisters. This rollicking spin on the traditional pirate’s tale proves you don’t have to be a pirate to be fierce and fearless! Written by Todd Wallinger. Performed with special permission by Pioneer Drama Service.